i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my sisters under your porch take her home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
