I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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