Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
