So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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