I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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