Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
