Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
