I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
