Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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