i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
