Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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