So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
