I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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