You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
