i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
