We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
