before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
