Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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