Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
