This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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