and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
