i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
