she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
