we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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