There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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