Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
