I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
