Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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