i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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