I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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