Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
