i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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