Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
