if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drake has all the answers
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize