Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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