It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
