I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
