Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
