loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
