I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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