Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
