I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
