Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
