Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
