Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
