Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
