If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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