sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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