Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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