Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want a musical about memes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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