who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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