i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
