shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
