i think my mom watched the whole time
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
