I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
