If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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