shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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