Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
