How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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