What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
