Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
