Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
