I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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